the other day… something happened.
i felt my stomach creep up into my throat. the restless thoughts began to swirl around in my head. i paced the room unable to sit still. i could not decide what i wanted to do next or where i should place my attention. my heart beat quickly and i had no appetite. irrational ideas of where i have been, where i was going…where i was at consumed me. i felt unworthy. i began to retrace conversations, decisions, thoughts…and question every inch of who i was. it all snowballed for two days. anxiety is something that has been present in my life for as long as i can remember. it has its way with me every so often, debilitating me into this place that i feel undone. the truth is it used to be far worse that it is today… crowded rooms – concerts made me feel small, conversations with strangers made me feel inadequate, taking chances – meant all the risk i would hole up in my little corner and not share my voice
when it creeps back up it makes me want to fight harder – sing louder because its all a lie and the lyrics are mine to write
it makes me want to create something
because i am worthy of peace
i am deserving of this life and i will make it work no matter what
happiness is inside of me if i choose to BE LOVE
the doubts – the questions…they are only there to propel me further
for those of you who understand this fight, know you are not alone, know that you are strong and you are wise, know that you are beautiful and deserving of a life of peace, believe me when i say i understand
remember that it takes picking up one thing, it takes focusing positively on a single moment and choosing to see the next to turn it all around…don’t forget that your heart, that beautiful heart of yours…is stronger that trickery of your mind.
so love, pick up your head and “be efficient, be positive, and love people”